What You Can Learn About People from Their Reaction to “Rachel Getting Married”

Everyone should be required to watch the new-on-DVD film “Rachel Getting Married.” Why? Because it gives everyone else a chance to instantly judge their compatibility with another person simply by their opinions of the movie. It shall be my new standard for judging people’s character. This is one of the few films that is most likely a love it or hate it experience. I’ve been told that about many other movies, but found I had only a tepid response to them. This is the real deal.

And frankly, this is also one of those films I both loved and never want to see again (hellooo “Elephant Man”). It is a highly uncomfortable movie about the highly uncomfortable subject of addiction. Yet, most of us have or will need to deal with the discomfort of addiction at some point in our lives. Either we will develop our own issues or find that a family member or close (possibly formerly) friend have fallen victim to the disease.

The truth is, I don’t care if you loved or hated this movie. While I fall into the former camp, not everyone’s taste is the same. I just want to know how you feel about Kim.

I recently had a conversation with friend who has done everything right in his life. He got a respectable job out of college, married a lovely woman, saved, invested, and carefully planned for retirement. He has a perfect “white picket fence” life with a nice home, two beautiful children, and all the electronic toys and vacations he can ask for. The problem is that both his and his wife’s families are a mess. He has known it since the beginning of time and yet he still is constantly disappointed by how his parents and grandparents, brothers, and in-laws act. Somehow, he expects that even though none of these people ever change that they will behave differently this time than they have every other time in their lives and he is constantly bitter that they do not. To me this is the emotional equivalent of repeating the same behavior and expecting different results, which is a standard definition of a fool. So, yes, I am calling him an emotional fool. And, yes, we have had our differences in the past with him judging me harshly on my life choices and trying to direct me to more “responsible” options. BTW, he hates his job and is miserable 5 days a week.

In a recent conversation with him, he brought up my brother who is in long-term rehab. No, I haven’t spoken to Lin in months. My reasoning? I was at rehab 1 every weekend. I called and wrote when he was in rehab 2. Now, he is in rehab 3 and frankly, I don’t give a rat’s a** what happens in rehab. The only thing I care about is what happens when he comes home.

My friend then mentioned “Rachel Getting Married.” He liked it, but thought it showed how horribly selfish addicts are as they don’t care about anyone but themselves.” Boy, was I surprised to find myself bawling for the character of Kim as she made her full AA confession and again when she visited her mother and then tried to drive home. Yes, she is very selfish, and yes, the people around her have paid a heavy (almost unbearable) price for her addiction, but she has paid it, too. She doesn’t love herself and can’t love herself, and I don’t blame her. She is forever trapped by the sins of her past and no one else has actually forgiven her for them either. It’s a complete wonder that she achieves sobriety at all. It’s so much easier to drown out guilt and self-hatred when you are drunk or high.

So watch the movie and tell me, do you feel for Kim or simply hate her? It is easy to see why so many of the movie’s characters hate her, but so hard to judge her that harshly after seeing her side. Compassion is not about caring about the people who do everything right, but about accepting the sinners amongst us, too.